Christmas Spirit Lost

Warning:
If anyone is reading this, be forewarned that it will not be a happy Christmasy post. I rarely do this, but I just really need to air out my thoughts.

I've been growing more and more upset over this tragedy. I've been keeping it to myself, of course. It is Christmastime, and I still want to rejoice in that. I'm just really tired of pretending.

For the first time I had a hard cry last night, and then another one earlier this evening. Luckily, my sweet little Abigail ran up to me with her tail wagging. I scooped her up and she kissed away my tears.

We're going to be having company over again this week, so tomorrow there's a lot of house cleaning that needs to be done that can serve as a distraction.

And I tried that today. My mother and I went to the movies to see The Hobbit. Visiting Middle Earth again was nice, but during the entire 3 hour movie all those innocent little first graders were in my thoughts. The children... the adults that tried protecting them and were killed themselves... the families of the victims... all those young students that heard and saw the most despicable evil ever to exist. How will they cope with what happened? After going through such a horrific experience, how can they hold on to a shred of innocence? I would think that's all gone now. How can they even be excited about Santa and Christmas? How can they believe in anything magical?

I just find it unfathomable that any human being could carry out such calculated evil!

Also, from being at the movies today, my thoughts were also directed towards all those people that were killed in the theater recently. It's a miracle anyone walks out their front door. Even last night I was flipping channels on the tv when a commercial came on for the news and they mentioned how gun shots were just fired outside another Randall's store.

I sometimes think that this planet really must be the insane asylum of The Universe.

And in thinking about what happened in that school... that so easily could have happened in any school. What I mean by that is this: What happened to those children and the people working there could have taken place in my sister's own classroom. (She teaches Elementary). It even could have happened in the school I substitute teach at. (I can only pray that if a school I was subbing in had a similar scenario, I would be able to protect the students that I was responsible for that day).

Working in a junior high, I've always known that something like this could happen. Creepily enough, this year something like this has been on my mind. For the first time ever I even printed out the school's safety procedures on what to do if ever there's a lock down and intruder. I keep it tucked inside the folder that I bring with me when I have work that day.

When lock down's and threats occur in Junior High and High School, while they're frightening they're not such a huge shock. Not after the tragedy at Columbine.

But NEVER would anyone expect this to happen in an elementary school.

Okay--- I'm gonna stop typing now. Even though my blog is no biggie and small, I know I should be posting all manner of Christmas photos and decorations and my review of The Hobbit... just everyday things... but the truth of the matter is I just don't give a damn about any of that.